Tuesday, 27 May 2014

#448 ~ On Fallen Wings

On Fallen WingsOn Fallen Wings by Jamie McHenry

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Featured as a pick of the day back in May 2013 or so,
and whilst the synopsis seemed promising, the actual book turned out to be deadly, deadly dull.

It was nearly abandoned as DNF many times, and it was only due to a woman-ful effort that I managed to drag myself through it ... so it's a yawning 2 stars from me.

Although dull, there weren't too many 'bad or ugly bits'; you can see the full Blog Post #448.

Product Details

It's available HERE, and whilst I got a free Kindle copy at the time, it's now listed at £3.08.

Indie Writer (Self-published)
332 pages
Fiction, Fantasy, Magic & Mystery

The Good ... the bad ... the ugly

As far as the good is concerned, I liked page 104 '...and stuck to my memory like honey.' - very nice phrasing.

For the bad I'm afraid it's the same old missing conjunctions, spattered like seagull's droppings on the promenade.  I'll also mention the 'visit with you' phrasing, which I find jarring.

Where would this section be without 'gonna' or 'gotten' being mentioned.  Thankfully, only once this time.

The ugly section:

Page 16:  'I reached towards might best friend and embraced her tight.' - tightly.

Page 25:  '... grabbed Sean and kissed him right.' - not an attractive word to use, I would have gone for well.

Page 26: 'Sean held me firm ...' - firmly.

Page 30:  'Sean flopped to the ground next me and smiled.' - next to me.

Page 53:  'The morning passed in rapid pace ...' - rapidly.

Page 55: '... poked his head around the wall corner.' - wall or corner not both.

Page 57:  '...Sean, looking at me with sympathy and honest eyes.' - Sean's honest eyes looking at me with sympathy.

Page 96: 'I've never seen snow before the celebration before.' - never a good idea to use the same word in such close proximity.

Page 120:  '... to Leila and me, ...' - and I.

Page 132:  'Taking the weight off my feet allowed a savory sensation ...' - apart from the word being incorrectly spelt (unless you're North American) not sure about in this context.

Page 144: 'Maeia composed herself perfectly ...' - comported herself perfectly.

Page 160:  '... and corralled her toward my home.' - strictly speaking it's correct, but I just dislike the word, and it should be towards.

Page 182:  '... a couple deep cuts had exposed his flesh ...' - couple of.

Page 205: 'Madeline kept a tidy home and her influence was addicting.' - comma missing, and addictive.

Page 242:  '... could get the best of me ...' - better of me.



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